“Silence has become a thing of mine now.”
God is truly testing my patience after I got married, and the lengths of me staying silent. But it’s okay I guess – sacrificing the will to speak my heart, being some other person who I am not, thinking twice every single thing before speaking, changing lifestyle, changing routines, asking for permission to do something so small. After changing my entire self – I am still an outsider! My opinions, my independence, and my true self is just a thing of the past because silence is a thing of mine now.
For an Indian girl, leaving her home after marriage and settling down in a joint family, is the biggest change of her life. What she was and what she has to be after the marriage is a big thing. She has to change her routine, her habits, her job, her hobbies, and so far so, her opinions and decisions. She zips her voice, she has to voice her likes and dislikes through her husband, all because the “decorum” of the home should be maintained.
I always knew being a woman is difficult, but was unaware of the big change that will be happening in my life after getting married. It’s not like one cannot be happy in a joint family or a good marriage. There are good moments and special memories are created. There are pros to it as well, but as an individual, there is no home I can call my own.
It’s my in-law’s home and the other home is my parent’s home. Nothing is mine, a nomad, just serving the family. So, the silence is what keeps me sane and a dream to build a home of mine, where I scream, laugh, and just be ME.